Help Wanted
by jessicalynnrand
Summary: A Klaine story about the secret life of Blaine. We all know something's up with Blaine, but what is it? Find out in a story that will break your heart.
1. Chapter 1

"Blaine?" Kurt was confused by the look on his boyfriend's face. "Blaine?" He asked again. Blaine took in a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself down, but it was shaky. Suddenly, one of the tears that Blaine had been trying so desperately to hide fell down his cheek. Kurt didn't point it out. He reached out and took hold of Blaine's shaking hands. "Blaine, you have always been there for me. You have helped me through some scary moments, and you should know that I am here for you, too, okay?" Blaine didn't respond. He continued to stare in front of himself. "Blaine," Kurt continued, "you don't have to be strong for me." Blaine opened his mouth to speak, but quickly closed it again. More tears were falling and Kurt still had no idea why. Eventually, Blaine gave up completely, buried his face in Kurt's shoulder and allowed one loud sob to escape him. All that Kurt could do was wrap his arms tightly around his boyfriend as the tears fell from both of their eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

The two sat in silence on Kurt's bed. Kurt had made it perfectly clear to Blaine that whatever was going on, he could talk about it to him and Kurt would never tell anybody about it and he wouldn't judge him on anything, so there was nothing more for Kurt to say. Kurt sat on the edge of his bed with his legs hanging off, slightly crossed. Blaine sat opposite him, cross-legged with his hands folded on his lap. He wasn't speaking, of course. However, his eyes were filled with tears. Kurt couldn't stop the pain in his heart. He loved this boy so much, and here he was, heartbroken, on his bed. Kurt looked into his dark eyes, but Blaine didn't look back. Kurt sighed and put his head down, looking at his own hands. "Kurt," Blaine whispered, "do you ever just feel like… nothing? As if… nothing that you ever do is worth it. You try and try and try, but nothing ever changes. You're stuck with what you have, whether you like it or not. You're stuck with your life, your family, yourself, and you don't want it – not any of it. You feel worthless, helpless, stupid, and angry and there is absolutely nothing that you can do about it. You want to go insane, to destroy something…" he pauses and strokes his own forearm "… to destroy yourself." At this point, the tears were heavily falling down Blaine's cheeks even though his voice had somehow managed to remain even. Kurt reached forward and took Blaine's hand away from tracing his arm. "Blaine, we all feel out of control of our life at certain times. Trust me, I've been there. I've been tempted to do some terrible things, too. Just know that you don't have to go through this yourself, okay? Whatever it is, your other friends and I are here to help you, but we can't do a good enough job unless we know what it is." Blaine gave a slight nod. "I'm just…" he began before the tears got the best of him and he choked. "Kurt, I'm really scared – terrified." Kurt didn't know what to say; he just gripped his boyfriends hand tighter.


	3. Chapter 3

The next night, the two boys sat in Kurt's bedroom again, this time, doing their separate homework assignments. Blaine was sitting on Kurt's bed while Kurt sat at the desk. Suddenly, Blaine threw his Calculus textbook onto the floor. Kurt turned to face him, pencil still raised, and gave his boyfriend an odd look. "Babe?" He questioned quietly, and said nothing more until he saw a tear fall down Blaine's face. Kurt quickly stood up and ran over to sit next to his boyfriend. "Blaine, what's the matter?" He asked as he gently put his left hand on Blaine's cheek. Blaine angrily wiped the one stupid tear away from his face. "No, it's nothing. I mean… it's not nothing, but…" his words were jumbled together as Kurt tried to make sense of what was coming out of Blaine's mouth. At last, Blaine sighed as if in defeat and breathed in deeply. "Kurt, my average in Calculus is a thirty-nine." At first, Kurt couldn't respond. He just gulped and stared at this boy in utter shock. How was this possible? Blaine was smart – _extremely_ smart. He GPA is a 3.9, or at least it was last he knew. "Blaine… how?" was all that Kurt could think to say. Blaine shook his head, as if unable to answer the question. "I… it just started to happen. It got so much more difficult than it was and I can never understand anything that happens or is said. I stay after for help, I study for hours, but nothing ever helps. My parents are so angry with me, especially my father. He barely ever stops yelling. My mom hardly looks at me anymore…" More tears rolled down his cheeks. Kurt just held his hand, but inside, there were more questions he wanted to ask. This couldn't be it – the thing scaring Blaine so much. He wanted to know what was really going on inside of Blaine's mind, what was making him act the way he was. A loud bang came from upstairs, representing the arrival of Kurt's father, followed by a loud curse. Astonished, Kurt quickly let go of Blaine and ran up the stairs to the front door. "Dad?" Kurt said as he held onto the wall to keep himself from swinging around to quickly and falling over. In the doorway stood Burt, surrounded by glass and a single rose. Kneeling down to help his father pick up the pieces, Kurt couldn't help but wonder what had happened. "Carol," Burt explained, "she came into work today and gave me this, but me being a klutz, I lost my grip and it shattered." Kurt couldn't help but to chuckle. "Oh, daddy." They picked up the last of the broken vase and Kurt remembered about Blaine downstairs. "Love ya, gotta go do homework!" He ran back down the stairs to find Blaine in the same position, his back to Kurt. Kurt sighed. "Now, Blaine," he said as he walked around to the front of Blaine, but the sight horrified him. On his boyfriend's wrist were two thin trails of blood. Blaine's fingers rested on the fingernail shaped cuts that now were sculpted into his flesh. Kurt gasped when he realized what had happened. Blaine had dug his fingernails into his arm so hard that he had made himself bleed. The tears rushed to Kurt's eyes faster than he could've imagined. Clearly, this problem was much deeper than anything that Kurt had ever experience. Kurt picked up a towel and dropped to Blaine's side, patting the cuts and stroking Blaine's wet face. "Oh my god, Blaine…" Kurt kissed his forehead and attempted to look into his eyes, but they were so wet and distant than Kurt couldn't see anything in them.


	4. Chapter 4

After a few moments more, the blood was gone from Blaine's wrist. When Kurt looked down at it, he noticed that not only where the two cuts from today, but there were multiple scars. Some were small, from Blaine's nails, and other were longer, as if they were from a knife or something. The thought of Blaine being like this made Kurt's heart break into a thousand pieces that he was afraid he wouldn't be able to piece back together until he helped out his boyfriend. "About ten years ago, I made a friend named Tommy at summer camp," Blaine randomly stated. Kurt had no idea why he was saying this, but he just let him talk. He was two years older than me. I guess that I always knew that he was gay, but I never even thought twice about it. I just considered him another kid. He helped me out a lot at camp – helped me make friends and kind of come out of my shell because I didn't know a single person when I first got there. He was the first person to talk to me, to really even try to get to know me. I stuck to him like you would never imagine." Kurt looked at Blaine. His hands were trembling and his eyes were still glistening with tears. "Over the years, we got closer and closer. We always kept in contact with each other. He was the first person I ever came out to. I remember that hanging out with him was always hard, because my father didn't want "somebody like him", as he would say, around me. He thought he would rub off on me or something stupid, and when I had finally gotten the courage to come out to my father, he was so angry, especially at Tommy. I remember the night when he called his house and yelled at his parents for raising their son to be that way. I remember Tommy calling me the next day, telling me of the things his dad had done to him, because his parents hadn't known until my father had told them. I remember telling my dad that he couldn't yell at Tommy's parents for raising him that way, and that it wasn't a choice. I remember that that was the night that I came out to my father. I remember how upset he was with me and I remember the pain, mentally and physically, that he made me feel." Blaine paused for a brief moment. "He's never been the same since before that night." Kurt blinked away a few tears. His father had been so supportive and understanding when he had come out to him. He couldn't imagine what it would be like living with somebody who didn't support him. "Blaine, I'm sorry – really." Blaine sighed and let out a small laugh that was so wrong to be in this moment. "Yeah… Tommy was the best friend that I ever had." It was during this sentence that Kurt's head perked up, for he had just begun to notice the frequent past tense that Blaine had been using to describe Tommy. "Blaine, do you still talk to Tommy?" He asked quietly, gripping Blaine's hands tighter in his own. Blaine abandoned his calm tone and burst into full-on sobbing. "Oh, Kurt…" he choked out between gasps. "Today… is the one month anniversary of his suicide." Kurt couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. He could only think of what he had just been told. "Kurt, he was the person that I turned to for everything. We never had a romantic relationship, but we didn't need that. He got me through so much and without him… I just feel lost." Kurt had no idea what to say to this. How could he possibly help when he had absolutely no idea what he would do if he were in the same situation? What if the person that he needed most just left him alone to deal with the world? Kurt opened his mouth, waiting for the rights words to come out, but he doubted that they ever would. "I don't know, Kurt. I need him, badly, and don't get me wrong. You are a wonderful boyfriend, perhaps the best that I've ever had, but… I miss Tommy so much that it hurts. I just can't believe that he did this to me. I'm terrified of what's going to happen. My parents found out, and I actually heard my father mumble "good riddance". I mean… what am I supposed to do?" He stood up and turned away from Kurt. "I blame myself, too. It was my father who started it all. I could've tried harder to stop him. I could've taken the beating that came with that. I still would've felt better than this because I would've had my best friend with me, still." Blaine knees gave out and he fell onto the floor. "A lot of the time, I feel like I just want to follow his path so that I can see him again." Kurt jumped off of the bed and to his side, wrapping his arms around his broken boyfriend. "Blaine, I'm so, so sorry. I'm here for you, you know that. I cannot possibly try to imagine what you are going through, but I want to help as much as possible. I… I love you." Blaine reached up to grip Kurt's arms. "I love you, too, Kurt. I just wish that I could be better for you because you deserve it." Kurt came around to Blaine's front. "No, Blaine, you are all I could possibly ask for. You helped me through a hard part of high school, and I want to help you through this. I know that they don't compare at all, but… I still want to try." They wrapped their arms around each other again and embraced for what seemed like the rest of the evening.


	5. Chapter 5

_FLASHBACK_

Blaine sat on his bed, his fingers twitching as he thought of what he was planning to do in just a short amount of time: he was going to come out to his mother when she got home. He stared at the words inside of his biology book in front of himself, but he couldn't make out the words. To him, they just looked like a bunch of symbols that didn't mean anything to him. He heard the garage door open, meaning that his mother had come home. He tried to distract himself again with the book, but still, no sense was being made. Eventually, he gave up and pushed the book off of his bed. It landed with a thud on his hardwood floor. Blaine ran his shaking hands through his curly brown hair, so desperately wanting for this to be over and for everything to be okay. His mother climbed up the stairs and entered Blaine's room as she did everyday when she got home. "Hi, sweetie! How was your day?" but Blaine didn't respond. He was biting his thumb and staring aimlessly across the room. His mother's face turned to one of concern. "Blaine, dear, what's wrong?" His mother was being so sweet, why couldn't he just get the words out? He opened his mouth to speak, but heard the garage door open again. Blaine closed his eyes. That was his father, who must have gotten out of work early. He was never home at this time. He had wanted to tell his mother before his father had come home. Oh well, this was his only time. "Mom… I… I have to tell you something." His mother shifted where she was, looking a bit uncomfortable now. "Okay… what is it?" She said with a bit of annoyance in her voice. Blaine looked down at his still shaking hands. "Mom, it's really hard to say this. It's taken me a while to accept it myself, but - -" His mother cut him off. "Blaine, I should go see your dad…" She began to stand up, but Blaine did the same. He grabbed her wrist in one hand and spun her to face him. "Mom, I'm… I like guys." His mother didn't respond. She simply left the room, with Blaine looking after her in shock. "Don't tell dad, please!" He pleaded, knowing that if his father was downstairs, he wouldn't have heard anything. "Tell me what?" his father said, appearing at the end of the hallway. A chill went down Blaine's back, causing the hair on his back to stand up. He saw his mother rush to his father, then whisper something in his ears. He couldn't stop mouthing the word "no" over and over. This couldn't be happening to him – not now. He wanted to tell his father in the far future, when he couldn't yell at him. He didn't want to come out this way, not at all. His father's head snapped in his direction, and Blaine actually took a step back. He saw his father's face contort with anger and he began to charge up the few stairs to where Blaine stood. Blaine took a few more steps backwards and found himself looking around his bedroom for a way to escape, but of course, there was nothing. He found himself simply standing in front of his bed, bracing himself for whatever was about to come, but he couldn't possibly brace himself for this. His father entered the room with his hands clenched into fists. "Dad - -" Blaine began, but couldn't finish. The blow came from out of sight and was enough to send Blaine falling to the floor, completely stunned. Repetitive blows came flying into his stomach and his father's shoes found their way there. "No!" Blaine found himself screaming and crying out for help. "MOM!" But when he looked out the doorway and into the hall, he found her simply standing in the dark, watching. The tears were falling out of Blaine's eyes as he lied helpless on the floor. After a few more kicks, his father stopped. Blaine crawled back into the corner, wanting to get as far away from the man as he could. "You… are not... gay." His father stated, panting heavily from exerting his energy into beating his own son. He walked out of the room and before he slammed the door, Blaine caught another brief glimpse of his mother, who nodded at his father then turned back to go downstairs, as if their work had been done. Blaine curled his knees up to his chest and hugged his legs. He pulled an old blanket off of his bed and wrapped it around himself, covering the blood that was already seeping everywhere. This all seemed so unreal; he just couldn't believe what had just happened to him.


End file.
